TIME TO OPEN UP: HOW I AM STARTING FRESH & RISING ABOVE MY MISTAKES
As I am writing this post, I actually don't really know where to start. This is my story. A story I am proud of, which makes me happy and suffer at the same time. It is only the beginning, as I am only 25, I truly hope that I would live a lot of experiences such the ones I already went through.
How did everything started? Two years ago, freshly graduated, I co-founded a digital company. Me who always wanted - and still want - to work into communications in the luxury and fashion industries, I took part in a digital project directed towards the education field. You said 180* spin? Kind of. All you have to know is I would rather try something on my own than wait for people's sympathy. I did not want to be unemployed after my graduation. At that time, it was - and still - tricky to be a new comer on the French employment market, especially when you had a precise idea of what you wanted to do. So as I had developed this concept with someone close to my heart, we decided to take the bull by the horns and start our professional life as entrepreneurs.
The truth is we had no idea what we were getting into! And it was a blessing! If I had known what I know today, I might have not went for this project with the same amount of confidence. We developed, commercialized our services, managed our company. It was hard. I don't think we really took a genuine break for our business in two years. We were basically living, eating and sleeping for our company. But at first, it was gratifying. We didn't know yet that we made rookie mistakes.
When did it go wrong? When we started to look for funds... You know that feeling in your guts that tells that something is not okay. Intuition is the word. What do you do when you feel this way, but you're scared to discuss it with your partner because you don't want to demotivate him or her? You turn to other, or at least you try. That's what I did. I spoke to my family and friends a bit but I had to much pride to go into the details. So I went on social media to try to find some comfort: there were those motivational and sometimes funny quotes that made me feel better. I remember thinking that if those things where doing me some good, it could do the same effect on others. It is at this precise moment I decided to transform my private Instagram account into a motivational and creative space. I quickly noticed the number of followers growing, but to me it was almost a game. I was escaping from reality for a few minutes in a day. It kind of made me able to deal with the daily issues we faced with the company.
After almost 9 months trying to raise money, we both realized that we wouldn't make it. For the first time in months, we opened up. The funny thing is we were protecting each other from what we were thinking deep down. Remember the intuition? We both had it, we were just too scared to be right to tell what we were feeling. It was a heartbreaking moment. Because, as we spoke about it, it was kind of the end of the crazy dreams we had for this company. It was our creation. We were not ready to totally burry it. We decided to try to sell it in the next 6 months. We thought that at least in someone else hands there were chances for this project to evolve.
Those 6 months almost brought me to a nervous breakdown. I put so much energy in it! The irony is the worst it was getting with the company, the better everything was going with my Instagram account. At that time almost 20 000 people where following me. My content evolved too. It was no longer about motivational quotes - those did not make any effect on me anymore -, I was posting more and more about my personal style and lifestyle, my travels and so on. People seemed to like it and it allowed me once again to escape. I must sound like a lunatic at this point! If there is one thing I learnt, it's that there are no small comforts when everything goes wrong in your life. You have to hold on to the people, the activities or things you love the most to keep your head above the water.
As you can foresee, we didn't make it. So we closed the company. At that time, it was relief. I was such in a bad head space after this ordeal. I just wanted to move on with my life. I started a new jobs and then another, I went a vacation. Overall, I took the decision to create a blog, THIS blog. Some many people had told me I should do it that I finally considered it seriously. It is probably one of the best decision I took for a long time.
IN THE END
Looking back, I suffered a lot from it but I learnt so much more! Who would have predicted that at 23, I would run my company? No one, not even me. I made mistakes too, a lot. But who doesn't? Everyone told me that you learnt from your mistakes. It is 100% true. Mistakes won't kill you, they help you to improve yourself in the long run. I don't say this is easy. Some days, you will fall on your knees, you will cry, you will yell... but you will fight. And that's all that matters. Most of the people, even your entourage, won't understand. They will probably be disconcerted by you and your reactions. Sometimes theirs will hurt you and you will feel abandoned. The only things that matter is to fight for what you want and learn from your experiences. In the end this is your life, and your entourage can support you, but it can't take for you the choice of your path.
I chose my path. No one forced me to create my company or to make the choices I made. I am still suffering because of it. It is a recovery, a day-to-day process. And as I am speaking to you, looking for the next step in my professional and personal life, I don't know where I'll be in one year. This only things I know is I am grateful to have a way to express my creativity, to reach to people and to feel the support in return. I hope opening up about this really personal subject will make someone feel better. We all face obstacles in life, the only difference is the way we face them.
Finally, I want to thank to those I didn't mentioned in this post but who helped and continue to help me on a daily basis. I know that I don't say it enough so: thank to you all!
Remember this is just a beginning there is so much more to come.
